self-criticism creates stress, not change
according to flynn skidmore, you can’t change through self-criticism. this idea strongly resonated with what i already had in mind, and i want to share his explanation of it:
when we criticize ourselves, our nervous system perceives it as a threat. it triggers a survival response: fight, flight, or freeze. in this state, the brain is no longer focused on growth, but on safety. that’s why we often fall back into old habits, even when we genuinely want to change. the system naturally chooses what feels familiar and secure.
real change requires something different: cognitive flexibility. this is the ability to imagine new ways of thinking, behaving, and being in the world.
but flexibility is not possible under stress. in order to change, we first need to feel safe.
and safety does not come from criticism. it comes from self-compassion, kindness, and acceptance. these are essential conditions that allow the nervous system to relax, making real change actually possible.